Yesterday, an email was sent by from Student and Administrative services informing the Columbia community letting everyone know that there was going to be a new CUID design. The new CUID has a slightly bluer image of Alma Mater, darker blue type, and the giant, “Columbia University” has been replaced by navy text, which uses the university’s full name and is accompanied by a crown.  The ID picture has also gotten smaller. The new ID is only for students on Morningside and Manhattanville campuses, and you only need a new one if you lose yours.

Upon reflection,  the very, very minimal changes made to the card, while surely an attempt at font uniformity and branding, don’t go far enough. I think the following additions to the CUID would be fitting.

Give everybody PrezBo’s hair

Who wouldn’t want hair as perfectly coifed and dignified as Lee’s? It would be a nice touch if the ID office would hire somebody whose job it was to personally give every member of the Morningside and Manhattanville campuses their own head full of silvery locks.

LIONS

Now, don’t you get me wrong, because everyone loves Alma Mater, but she isn’t our mascot. The new ID should prominently feature every single lion that has ever been the official mascot. I’m talking Roaree, the CC’14 t-shirt design, even this lion. They should all try to fill up all the white space on both sides of the ID. It would certainly help with our less than uproarious school spirit. (See what I did there?). On that note…

More puns

Everybody knows their real name should go on their ID, but each new CUID should come with a punny, Columbia-related nickname as a show of good faith from the administration that the war on fun is truly over. Because what’s more fun than a good pun? For example, my punny nickname could be David Salazroar. I didn’t really think the pun through very well, but if everyone chose their own pun name, everyone would be a little happier. You can bet I’m not lion.