Didn’t get that EC suite you wanted? Depressed about living in a double? Dreading the thought of yet another year tossing and turning in an uncomfortable extra-long twin bed?

Never fear! There are thousands of crazy and wonderful pets that can brighten up even the darkest dorm room (read: dungeon). Okay, okay, even if pets aren’t technically allowed, you can dream. So, push aside that pet rock and give away your goldfish to your little sister, and get ready for the best (not-exactly-legal) dorm room pets.

Rabbit: I’m not going to name names, but I may (or may not) have known somebody last year to have a 10-pound Palomino rabbit in their dorm room.  Now, I’m not saying this is true, but I may have thoroughly enjoyed playing with it between classes. And, let’s say, if this hypothetical bunny had existed, I might recommend a daily petting during exam week for significantly reduced stress levels.

Iguana: As a child, my neighbors had a beast of an iguana that grew so large they had to sell it to the zoo. That being said, I know many people who would get excited to see one of these green monsters hang around on top of their friend’s television.

Ferret: These little guys are crazy-smart and learn new commands easily, making them an excellent companion. Again, I also might know of a suite that owns one. This animal is like a perfectly sized hybrid of a longhaired wiener dog and snake, and just so happens to be an excellent party trick. Just get ready for a lot of references to Along Came Polly (see 1:07).

Snake: John: “Matt, where’s the ice cream?”
Matt: “Next to the frozen mice….”
Typical conversation for snake owners.  Enough said.

Exotic birds: They’re pretty, friendly, complimentary, and definitely against the rules.  The divas of the avian world, there’s nothing like a good lovebird to say, “Love me!” or “Welcome to my nest.”  These badass birds can live up to 20 years, so if you have commitment issues, getting an exotic bird would be a great remedy. Just know you’ll have to carry it along with you to any number of crappy, post-college, (but maybe pet-friendly!) apartments.