Fire and ice, heaven and hell, dark and light—no place is complete without its share of polar opposites.

Joe the Art of Coffee (located on the lower level of the NoCo) and JJ’s Place (if you don’t know where this is, you should honestly consider transferring) are the yin and yang of popular campus eating spots.

The experiences, staff and music actually couldn’t differ more if they tried, which they might. Check out the comparisons after the jump.

JOE

If you’re looking for quality coffee and a homemade goodie, Joe is a great middle-of-the-day stop for anyone with classes in NoCo or Pupin.

You shouldn’t come here if you have fewer than forty minutes to spend, since you won’t be able to get food (or even order) if you come at 3:55 and have another class at 4:10. The line at Joe is enormous no matter what time of day. Don’t ever expect to get a table.

But if you can snag a seat, the coffee is delicious (wayyy better than the Blue Java stuff in the dining halls and at Butler Café) and the food is worth the wait. With vegan sandwich offerings like black-bean and hummus or curried tofu on whole wheat, as well as staples like roast beef and turkey, lunch here is a quality investment. Emphasis on “investment” (this place isn’t cheap).

The mellow environment, partly due to the pristine feel of the white tables and smooth flooring and partly due to the hipster music playing in the background, is perfect for relaxing after a long day, catching up with an old friend, or discovering that band no one knows about quite yet. (I’ll bet Joe was playing Bon Iver back when he was actually indie.)

JJ’S PLACE

On the other hand, if you need a real, filling meal and you’re not terribly interested in paying $4 for a cappuccino and $7 for a sandwich, you can get a buffet of fried and breakfast foods at JJ’s for nothing more than a meal swipe.

Walking into JJ’s is like walking into an alternate universe. It’s late. You’re tired. The staff is blasting hip-hop numbers that almost make you want to dance despite the fact that its past midnight on a Sunday and you’re only here to snag some curly fries to give you the boost you need to finish that LitHum reading (because if you’re at JJ’s, you’re probably a freshman).

And that reading definitely won’t be getting done, because everyone else is a freshman, too. You’ll inevitably run someone (or ten people) you know, sit down, and eat the meal you were supposed to grab to-go.

JJ’s has the best fro-yo of all the dining halls. And the staff is really friendly; they smile and pile on the toppings and tell you to take multiple cups of yogurt smoothie.

When you leave JJ’s an hour later, you realize it’s 1 a.m., you have class in eight hours (because you made the mistake of taking a class before noon), you’re no closer to finishing Confessions, and you just gained a thousand calories. Unless, of course, you went for the shady salad bar (but why would you do that?), in which case, I guess you can feel a little bit better about yourself.