Winter break is a heart-warming time when family gathers round to cherish the blessing of being together. But for some, it’s also a sobering reminder of how our homes can be a far cry from the progressive political correctness of Columbia. If this applies to you (Midwest, represent!), and you’re a little worried about winter break, here are a few strategies for redirecting unsavory family conversations.

Scenario A:
I’m surprised Obama isn’t gonna move the White House to Colorado now…”

Response: “Hey Dad, how’s your golf game?”

Scenario B:
“We saw that email a few weeks back about Q House comin’ into the brownstones. What kind of fraternity is that ?”

Response: “I’m going to make some cheese toasties. Who wants one?”

Scenario C:
“How’s your Oriental roommate doing?”

Response: “Grandma, tell me a story from your childhood.”

Scenario D:
“So in your hall, does everyone hang little stockings from their doors so that people can leave treats and gifts for everyone else?”

Response: “Yes.”