Hate Princeton? Then head up to Baker Field tomorrow to root against them
Columbia football kicks off its Ivy season this Saturday at 12:30 against Princeton at Baker Field. Spectrum checked in with the marching band to see how they felt about our Ivy brothers over in New Jersey. We discovered what everyone pretty much already knows: Jersey sucks.
This week, our Columbia Lions take on Princeton at Baker Athletics Complex. Head coach Pete “the Man” Mangurian has the Lions playing real meat-and-potatoes football, full of tenacious defensive line play and a strong running game.
The Tigers, on the other hand, favor caviar-and-Chardonnay football, full of white privilege and whining to referees. Of course, the Band will be at the game to boost the Light Blue to victory, but we can’t give our boys a home-field advantage all by ourselves.
Here’s a short history lesson why it’s your duty as a Columbian—and an American—to come to the game and cheer your guts out for the Lions.
Let’s flash back about 250 years, shall we? New Jersey, which even back then was inferior to New York in every conceivable way, had just founded its first college, and New Yorkers were pissed that they’d let their fist-pumping rivals beat them to the punch.
The mistake was quickly rectified, however, with the founding of King’s College in 1754, which had better taverns, hotter wenches, and students whose powdered wigs weren’t spiked up with gallons of gel.
Never forget Columbia’s founding principles, kids: “Fuck Princeton, and fuck New Jersey.”
Of course, the rivalry between Columbia and Princeton only intensified when Alexander Hamilton, the original “cool Columbia dropout,” stepped onto the scene. Having been rejected by the College of New Jersey as a youth, Hamilton took it upon himself to “renovate” Princeton’s campus during the Revolutionary War by firing cannons at Nassau Hall.
We’ve been waiting for someone to replicate his feat ever since. Hamilton was famously killed in a duel with Aaron Burr (P ’75), but he did his alma mater proud: while Hamilton did the honorable thing and discharged his pistol into the air, Burr douchily shot Hamilton in the chest, pausing only to pop his collar and make a disparaging remark about minorities.
A Princeton man is a Princeton man, no matter what century.
So there you go. If you don’t support Columbia, you hate Alexander Hamilton. And if you hate Alexander Hamilton, you’re probably a Communist. Not to mention that Princeton does a full-on Nazi salute during its school song.
Are you really going to pass up this opportunity to heckle a bunch of Communist Nazi Aaron Burr-lovers? We didn’t think so.
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