#WakeUpKillTheHashtag, or Other Things I Wish that Cyberspace Swallowed Up
It’s late. You’re up. But that’s not all that’s up. The government shutdown is still a thing that’s happening. The Higgs Boson has been recognized for its sheer brilliance (and general mysterious why-is-it-so-awesomeness to those of us non-science geeks, who merely admire from afar). The literary world waits with bated breath for the much-talked-about Nobel Prize to be announced.
And what do we, pioneering healthy minds, do as the world turns? Something like this:
Or, we quickly write up the inevitable well-informed Facebook update that goes something like this: Go Janet Yellen. #superpowerful #womanpower #econ #heroine #yellin’ #realtalk
Why use real expression when you can just hashtag errthang? Or send that super-informative Snapchat of our latest reaction to #nobelprize #nerdpower being announced last night, when we were unfortunate enough to only catch the live stream while at Butler,
Snapchatting studying for that midterm.
Now I’m no grammar Nazi, and it’s fine if you were just SO OMG WTF over the #RangelArrest #notcool that happened yesterday, that you couldn’t wait to send a shocked face snap of yourself over to your politically conscious counterpart over in Butler 209. But my quibble is that we hardly save time to think about how trivialized things seem when Snapchatted or conveyed over Hashtagese. (Hashtaggian? Hashtagalog?) It’s one thing if it’s #PrezPiñera at the #worldleadersforum giving you reason to send over some #columbiaswag to your not-so-urban peers. But #BikerAccident and #dangerzone on the #WestsideHighwaytoHell? As you whizzed by the scene, and thought you would take a picture with your #fckinawesome #smartphone? That’s #NotACoolStoryBro.
We lament the loss of the paperback to the e-book (some of us do, I think?), so why not feel the same passion about #Hashtag4Lyf becoming the new English Language? I sure do, and a little part of my <3 dies when I see those innocuous four lines before a word on Instagram, Facebook or Snapchat. Seriously, guys, #StopIt.