The moment none of you have been waiting for! Butler 209 liveblog!
Each week, Eli Grober and Bob Vulfov liveblog something. Anything. Everything. Waste your time as we waste ours!
Tonight’s liveblog will commence at 10 p.m. and feature the legendary Room 209 in Butler Library. For those of you wondering, the answer is “No.” We don’t have lives. But if the question was, “Shouldn’t you be doing homework?” the answer is “Definitely yes.”
Check out the liveblog after the jump!
11:00 p.m. : And we’re done! The air conditioning vents just turned off, so that’s our cue. Everyone can hear us whispering. We’re gonna go. ’till next time and thanks for hanging in there with our terrible, terrible use of the Internet.
10:59 p.m. : Just saw a guy elbow an elderly GS student in the face to get one of the comfy chairs. Pretty sure it was Jason Statham in one of his new movies.
10:58 p.m. : Some girl just got up to ask us for our autographs. We stole her seat.
10:57 p.m. : People in here are really focusing up. Nice job, team. High-fives all around. Except for the guy in a bathing suit. He’s dripping wet.
10:56 p.m. : Imagining how much work we could’ve gotten done tonight. It’s upsetting.
10:54 p.m. : People are starting to figure out what we’re doing. Nobody is pleased. GOOD THING WE BROUGHT FAKE MUSTACHES! You’ll never find us!
10:53 p.m. : This room looks just like the auditorium of Eli’s high school prom. Yet again, no first kiss for Eli.
10:50 p.m. : Boxers guy just got his award taken away from him by a guy wearing a bathing suit. Game over.
10:48 p.m. : Half of these nalgenes are definitely filled with gin.
10:46 p.m. : Nothing sadder than a guy wandering around 209 for forty minutes searching for a seat. It’s just like Moses and the gang wandering the wilderness for forty years.
10:45 p.m. : Some guy just walked in wearing a pair of shorts that are almost definitely boxers. He’s in the lead for the coveted “I don’t even care anymore” award.
10:44 p.m. : Ah, the classic guy-who-doesn’t-know-how-to-whisper. He grew up in a helicopter.
10:43 p.m. : Somebody is seriously PISSED at their keyboard.
10:41 p.m. : Quick interview of a guy who is supposed to be writing a Music Hum paper:
US: “Hey, aren’t you supposed to be writing a paper?”
HIM: “Yeah, but Steph is totally gonna Facebook chat me to hang out.”
US: “… It’s 10:38 p.m. on a Sunday.”
HIM: “I’ll just poke her or something.”
10:36 p.m. : Just kidding. Still a god-damn clown car of stressed out Facebookers.
10:35 p.m. : MASS EXODUS ALL THE SEATS ARE AVAILABLE.
10:34 p.m. : Picking your nose in 209 requires the exact opposite strategy as easing out a fart. Be quick. Neither seen nor heard.
10:33 p.m. : There’s a guy downloading Hellboy II: The Golden Army at the table next to us. Definitely gonna submit an anonymous tip.
10:32 p.m. : Some people really get dressed up to go on Facebook.
10:30 p.m. : The Jägermeister dudes definitely agree with us. They’re too hammered at the moment to realize it, but they do.
10:28 p.m. : Wait. Butler should have a BAR. Screw the café. We need a good old fashioned roadhouse to rip some immediate shots of Maker’s after finishing a paper.
10:27 p.m. : The tiling of the floor reminds us of a bathroom in a really nice hotel. WHERE IS THE MINI BAR?!
10:26 p.m. : You could fly a kite in this room. Just use the pretentious sighs of Philosophy majors as your gusts of wind.
10:25 p.m. : Easing out a fart in 209 is like the fable of the tortoise and the hare. Slow and steady wins the race. Of not getting made fun of for eating too much Chipotle.
10:23 p.m. : The guy next to us is hiding his iPhone behind his book as if someone is going to call him out for not reading.
10:22 p.m. : Remember the tennis balls that teachers would put on the feet of chairs so they wouldn’t scratch the floors? What ever happened to those?
10:21 p.m. : Considering starting a game of musical chairs.
10:19 p.m. : If Butler 209 were a feudal state, the little cubbies would be the estates of the lords. The rest of us are serfs.
10:17 p.m. : How many people would it take to hotbox a room of this size? Like 4 Snoop Doggs?
10:16 p.m. : Some girl is talking about Quidditch.
10:14 p.m. : Girls walking around in heels in 209 are like ruffians who set off fireworks in suburban neighborhoods.
10:13 p.m. : Nobody ever looks at the books in 209. These bookshelves are a great place for Nicholas Cage to find clues in the next National Treasure film.
10:11 p.m. : The general ambiance of Butler 209 feels like Harry Potter if it were directed by Tommy Wiseau. Oh, hi, Ron!
10:10 p.m. : After they’re done studying, people should have to wipe down their seats in Butler. The same way people wipe down machines at the gym after they’re done exercising.
10:08 p.m. : This same girl just walked through the room three times in a row. She’s the Usain Bolt of pissing people off.
10:06 p.m. : Never noticed how many lights there are in here. Oh! That guy looks like Seth from The O.C. His mother must be so proud!
10:05 p.m. : …… and they’re done. Back to planning a Jägermeister-filled piñata party.
10:03 p.m. : Three guys have taken a break from fucking around to study for a sec.
10:02 p.m. : There’s a guy coughing. He should be voted off of the island.
10:00 p.m. : This place is so much more peaceful when you’re not doing work. It still smells a bit like feet, though.
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