It’s late. You’re up. Hopefully you are too inebriated to drunk-waddle over to get some calorie packed chicken and rice. If you are studying in Butler, that’s okay too, because we’re here to put a smile on that tired face! Yay!

This is highly illegal and disturbing: 24 year old Chinese pop star Zhang Muyi is declaring his love for his girlfriend  for all the world to see. This would normally be “awww” inducing, except she’s twelve years old. What can possibly be more vomit inducing you ask? Easy. They started dating when she was eleven.

Iran plagiarizes the Onion: Iran’s Fars News Agency, a mouthpiece of the government, published a report citing a Gallup poll finding that an overwhelming majority of rural whites would vote for Ahmadinejad over Obama. Apparently it never occurred to them to stop and say, “wait, this can’t possibly be true…oh yes, that’s because it was published by the Onion.”

Why Ivy League students dress the way they do: You remember the moment after you got your acceptance letter, when you rushed to Brooks Brothers to pick up some oxford shirts, a navy blazer, and a pair of Top-Siders? Apparently Ivy League fashion was born in the post-war period, when returning soldiers brought British sartorial sensibilities (a la Oxford and Eton) back to the WASPs on campus— resulting in a noxious mixture of white privilege and douche-iness of cataclysmic proportions.

Our obligatory leftist attack on Republicans of the night: As some astute commenters pointed out on last night’s One Eleven, Romney’s been taking a lot of flak from Spectrum these past few days, which is the most plausible cause of his poor performance in the national polls. (To be fair, he’s also been making it really easy for us to poke fun at him). In order to shake things up a bit we present to you, Ann Coulter on the View telling Whoopi Goldberg what it means to be black.

And…a funny video: