It’s late. You’re up. The first day of classes are behind you. The weather outside is kind of nasty, so you’ve got no place to go. Why not curl up with our round-up of the day’s news and a funny video? Trust us, it will be a decision that you never regret. If only because it’s so inconsequential that you will never think of it again. Let’s get started!

Actual news

Dem Dems: The Democratic convention started tonight, and will continue through Thursday. Unfortunately, Clint Eastwood isn’t available to introduce the President, so instead Harrison Ford is going to yell at a teddy bear named Mitt until security drags him off the stage.

Occupy Brooks Brothers: Turns out it’s not the 1% who are killing this economy — it’s all you cheapskates who won’t buy $4,000 suits.

Judgment day: Apple has released the invitation to a Sept. 12 event in San Francisco, which likely means a new iPhone. That, or Siri’s become sentient and is luring us into a trap.

One easy payday: No Easy Day, the memoir by a Navy SEAL who participated in the mission to kill Osama bin Laden, went on sale today. Officials who worried that the book might reveal operational secrets were relieved to learn that it’s actually just a compilation of the commando’s erotic Twilight fan fiction.

…and a funny uh, a video:

So it’s not that funny when you consider these guys are terrorists but it’s too surreal not to share. Colombian guerrilla group FARC (the Revolutionary Armed Forces of Colombia) has released a rap video outlining their goals.