It’s late. You’re up. You have a hectic week ahead of you, and those annoying kids on your floor who are done with finals are already celebrating. It’s okay, The One Eleven gets it—and it’s right here by your side to help your get through this all-nighter.

Actual News:

Did you know that Metrocard swipe sellers are a thing? Neither did I, but apparently they exist and are a fairly serious problem for the MTA.

Democratic Representative Charlie Rangel (of, according to me at least, “three spare apartments” fame) returned to Capitol Hill today after a three-month break, vowing to win another term in November.

Rick Santorum is officially endorsing Mitt Romney.

Vladimir Putin is officially Russia’s president again.

Roar, Lion, Roar:

52-year-old Gac Filipaj, a custodian here at Columbia University, is finally earning his bachelor’s degree after 20 years at the university.

…and a cat that knows how you feel:

“Sing to me, Muse, of the wrath of Achilles, son of Peleus, which brought countless ills upon the Acheans.”