The Morningside Post ran its lead story today about a strict SIPA professor who refused to accept late homework from a very unfortunate Ms. Jane Watkins, who got mugged on her way to class. According to Watkins—who the Morningside Post somehow secured an interview with—she begged her assailants “wearing ski masks and dressed entirely in black”, to take anything, anything, but her Statistics homework.

Being good Samaritans, the felons obliged to her request, and Watkins, hobbling on a sprained ankle, stumbled her way (like any normal Columbian) into Professor Paul Thurman’s Quantitative Analysis class. Alas, Thurman wasn’t a good Samaritan. Unlike Watkins’ assailants, Thurman—citing his late policy in his syllabus—rejected her homework.

A riveting story (that the Gawker reblogged as truth) that for the most part, was confirmed as entirely fictional by the author of the story, who sent out the following Editor’s Note:

“Due to questions from concerned readers, we would like to point out that this is a fictitious story. We thought we’d have a little bit of fun with this one. Imagine if The New York Times had a SIPA beat….”

Unfortunately for Professor Paul Thurman, he is not fictional, nor is his Quantitative Analysis class (U6500 if you’re curious). As of Sunday, 6:45 p.m., the class seated 65 out of a maximum 67 students. We’ll check again Tuesday.