Today’s liveblog will begin at 1:30 and chronicle the goings-on at Joe Coffee. You may think the ridiculous hats of the baristas are the only funny part of this campus destination, but we’re about to prove you wrong.

Check out the liveblog after the jump.

2:30: We just got kicked out…I guess we’ll have to settle for the Diana Center. Gonna go change into our Manolos and hang out with Sarah Jessica Parker. See you guys next time!

2:27: I understand people feel the need to bring supplies here so they can study all day, but the tent and butane grill seem excessive.

2:26: After some Googling, turns out that was an exhibit at the New Museum. So I guess that means his impromptu slam poetry recital is just performance art?

2:23: Some guy has a tote bag that says “The medium was tedium.” What does that even mean?

2:20: I think people are beginning to suspect we’re the ones behind this post. Anyone have a pair of thick rimmed glasses we can use as a disguise?

2:15: Oops never mind, they’re headed to Barnard. Must be going to look for tickets… ladies, anyone want a tourist in socks and sandals wearing binoculars?

2:14: Ninth tour bus in five minutes. They must have gotten the date of Obama’s commencement speech wrong.

2:12: The line is so long it’s almost going up the escalators. I think they’re getting out the line dividers Disneyland style.

2:07: Now that all of the floppy hat people have left, we’ve begun a contest for who can spot the longest beard.

2:04: Now they’re refusing to serve him. Apparently 20k in Dubai currency can’t even get you a small cappuccino here.

2:02: Mahmoud Ahmadinejad just walked in. I guess CUCR was right all along…

2:00: I’m sensing some hostility from the baristas. I think it might be my sack full of free coffee cards. Not my fault I own a hole puncher.

1:56: Someone just sat down with us again. Trying to come up with schemes to get him to leave: announce the URL of the liveblog and write awkward things about him enough times on here that he gets uncomfortable and leaves?

1:54: Someone just ordered a large ice mocha. I think it’s nice they let you take out a loan on your house right at the checkout counter.

1:51: One of my professors just walked in. Hiding under table to avoid awkward conversation.

1:48: Guy next to us is wearing a beanie with a visor, aviators (again, we are inside), and tight biking shorts. I hope I can be as cool as him one day.

1:46: People at our table have finally left. Fifteen minutes of unbroken eye contact have definitely paid off.

1:44: The up escalator has broken down. Baristas now carrying patrons up the stairs. Just kidding, they’re pulling people up with a rope made out of weirdly patterned scarves.

1:42: So many tote bags. Fun game: Count how many are from Strand. Girl with Michael Kors bag looks visibly uncomfortable.

1:41: Crowd is thinning out here; we’ve gone from full on refugee camp down to a medium sized riot. You might get a table within the next half hour.

1:39: I get that the temperature dropped today, but really, girl with a giant furry leopard print coat? We’re inside right now and it’s only like 50 degrees outside.

1:35: I understand that the floppy hats are supposed to be preventing hair from getting in the coffee, but I’m still confused why the baristas are wearing scarves indoors and sitting on fixie bikes.

1:33: Good to see the Macs only rule is still being enforced, some PC user just got ejected by campus police.

1:31: Even the older patrons of Joe are huge hipsters. Some guy who is at least 70 just took off one pair of humongous round glasses for another even rounder pair just so he could read the newspaper.