Last-minute Halloween costumes for the lazy Columbian inside us all
So, it’s October 31, and you have no plans for your Halloween costume. Maybe you were gonna go as ketchup and mustard—what an adorable couples costume!—with someone, but then he [insert 'squirting' euphemism here]. Or you had plans with a group of friends but then remembered that you will look like an idiot the second you get separated from those five people (and do you really want to walk around with just them all night?).
Obviously you don’t have time to make anything elaborate. (You do have time to read the Editorial Board’s suggestions for a super clever Columbia-themed costume.) So here are some ideas for a costume you can throw together in less time than it takes you to finish a bag of Westside cookies.
1. Morningside Cookie Monster
This might seem like it takes a little effort at first, but if you were going to get cookies sometime today anyway, you’re just killing two birds with one cookie. Tie or attach bags of cookies to yourself—Westside, Insomnia, whatever floats your boat—and get ready to make lots of friends. (Alternatively, you can get an actual Cookie Monster costume.)
2. Any Ancient Greek author or philosopher
Seriously, just wear a toga … could this get any easier? OK, maybe you should wear one of those sticky name tags, just in case.
3. Your roommate
Unless you and your roommate are basically already the same person (I count myself among this group), switch clothes/personalities with your roommate and get an easy (short and polite) laugh out of your friends. Just don’t let it turn into anything creepy. Rachel, this one’s for you:
4. Sexy PrezBo
This one’s not just for the guys: Get your silver fox on with a little silver hair dye (or a wig, if you want to sweat into synthetic fibers all night) and a button-down and blazer (or a PrezBo fun run shirt, if you’re cool enough to have one). Spend the night dropping words like “globalism” and “First Amendment.” Bonus points if you go back to Wien for the night. Extra bonus points if you actually go home with PrezBo.
5. DSpar having it all
In case you missed it, Debora Spar wrote a book about womanhood. What does this have to do with your Halloween, you might ask? Well, first of all, women’s Halloween costumes are a solid talking point for the ways in which women are expected to do everything (look sexy, but don’t be a slut). But you can also physically embody the “having it all” discussion—everything you always wanted in a Halloween costume! Wear a power suit with an apron over it, or hold a baby on one arm and a BlackBerry in the other. It’s like I always say: It’s not a Pagan holiday without social commentary.
6. Go to Ricky’s
Seriously, don’t overthink it. Pick the least sweaty bagged costume there, no blackface, whiteface, or cultural appropriation of any kind, and make sure that if you buy a Hugh Hefner costume that it comes with the pipe.
Happy Halloween, everybody. Don’t do anything stupid. But if you do, send us pictures.