It’s late. You’re up. One day more, and then it’s officially reading week. Oh well, at least puppies are coming back to campus. And to further your procrastination, check out this Tumblr featuring cats where they do not belong after the jump. But first:

Actual News:

Other Ivies Exist: But sometimes their vice deans’ degrees don’t. Doug Lynch resigned recently after officials found out that he doesn’t actually have the PhD from Columbia that he claimed he had. And we complained about Pena-Mora’s lack of credentials.

New Crisis in Sudan: Apparently Sudan has declared a state of emergency after weeks of border clashes with South Sudan.

A math formula caused the financial crisis: Something called the Black-Scholes equation, which changed the way the financial world worked may have led to its downfall. Yeah, nice try, Goldman Sachs.

If Obama doesn’t get re-elected, he’d be great on late night TV: Move over Jimmy Kimmel, Barack has got humor. Though there were a few “did he really just say that?” moments, Obama delivered some fantastic lines from topics ranging from the unnecessary presence of Kim Kardashian to the Secret Service’s new curfew.

News about people cut off from the real world:

The only true hipster in the world: This guy is hardcore. He’s given up money, eats only what he can scavenge (berries, roadkill, and stuff from dumpsters), and lives in a cave. All while wearing the signature ray-bans and plaid. I’d like to see the guys from Joe’s coffee try to live in a cave.

Robinson Crusoe, but instead goats, he breeds tortoises: This 86 year old bought his own island in the Seychelles to breed giant tortoises. He lives by himself, with about 120 tortoises to keep him company, and lets them run saunter slowly around his house.

This woman thinks God sounds like Garrison Keeler: Lady, are you crazy? Everyone knows God sounds like Morgan Freeman.

Cat Tumblr: Just don’t watch the video at the bottom.

Awesome Nerdy Video: