It’s late. You’re up. Hopefully it’s because you’re working and not watching dramatic television.

A new Pretty Little Liars episode and the 100th episode of Gossip Girl (!!!!) doesn’t warrant sacrificing sleep. Studies have shown (meaning I recently took an Alice! sleep assessment that said) this will be your downfall.

Actual News

Scandals in the church: A 67-year-old employee of the Archdiocese of New York has been accused of stealing $1 million from the church. Normally, I wouldn’t be so quick to point fingers, but apparently she has a bad track record as it is.

Occupy watch: Even after the “no-camping” deadline passed, the Occupy D.C. protesters have managed to remain peaceful.

New rules in the world economy: 25 EU countries (that would be all of them except Britain and the Czech Republic) have agreed to sign a treaty designed to control overspending.

Weird new medicine: Researchers in Houston are testing Ketamine as a “quick fix” for depression and suicidal tendencies.

Santorum’s still in the race: The presidential hopeful recently told CNN he has no intention of throwing in the towel for leader of the free world. So… there’s that.

Professors say the darndest things: “I think it’s almost hard to conceptualize what $250 million means,” said Shamus Khan, a Columbia University sociologist who studies the wealthy. “People say Romney made $50,000 a day while not working last year. What do you do with all that money? I can’t even imagine spending it. Well, maybe …” Check out the rest of the story here.

…and a funny video Because I know you’ve spent the majority of this post wondering where the title comes from. Just watch.