Haters gon’ hate. Smokers gon’ smoke.
Breaking news! After a painstaking investigation, the USenate’s task force on smoking policy reported its findings on the current state of the infamous “no smoking within 20 feet” rule: apparently, it is in utter disrepair.
Yes, shockingly, two years after its ratification, smokers continue to flaunt university policy with naked disregard for convention and rule of law. Need proof? Just poke your head outside of Butler.
Members of the task force recommended “multimedia campaigns” and other forms of “ongoing reinforcement” in order to promote enforcement of the current policy. They also called for “enhanced signage”— which I imagine would look something like the LED-signs on halal carts.
In today’s paper, Elisa Quiroz reports on the task force’s findings:
The task force found that cigarette butts “were frequently present” within a few feet of the entrances to several buildings, and that very few buildings had any “no smoking” signs posted.
“We concluded that the ‘no smoking within 20 feet of buildings’ policy is poorly implemented across the Morningside campus and not at all implemented at the Lamont campus,” the task force wrote in its report.
“Poorly implemented” is an understatement. A few reasons why smokers, in their own words, will continue to smoke outside of Butler, after the jump:
- “The gust of warm air that blows out of Butler during the winter feels nice.”
- “I paid 13 freaking dollars for these cigarettes and I will smoke them wherever I damn well please!”
- “What’re you gonna do about it?”
- “It’s raining and I’m pulling an all-nighter. Fuck off.”
- “Where else am I gonna hang out with my friends? Lerner?”
- “Oh I’m sorry, the last time I checked we lived in a free country.”
- *readjusts thick-rimmed glasses* “I don’t follow rules… Also, these are Nat Sherman cigarillos made with Turkish tobacco. People should just learn to appreciate quality smoke.”
- “There’s a ban on smoking?”
It remains to be seen whether and how the USenate task force will follow through on more strictly enforcing the 20-feet rule. Corporal punishment, perhaps? Comment with your suggestions!
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