Eight types of weekend people on campus
It’s late. You’re probably up. Or in one of various states of unconsciousness—and hopefully not lying on the Steps for all of Columbia to behold, in an NSOP week faux pas.
When the weekend hits Columbia like a gust of cool air in a shafted McBain room, it brings out a mixture of different characters you never thought existed at this school. The relief that comes with the end of Thursday class (or that odd Friday class that you and I have been unlucky to have since freshman year) transforms many a bleary-eyed Butlerophile into something else. So, with the spirit of the weekend in mind, here’s a handy list of the eight species of social group or entity you’re prone to see around campus.
8. The Stilettos
Not a significant social organism when seen individually, this social group often consists of more than three girls in amounts of makeup worthy of a Sephora ad. Often seen in line for campus bars that you realized were jeans-and-Converse-worthy two years ago.
7. The Frat Pack
A significant organ in the overworked, six-pack-happy body of the weekend Columbia community. Their loud, often nonsensical yells can be heard in chorus (or solo) from many first/second/third-floor dorm rooms as it nears 1 a.m. They more frequently don’t look like this, but may perceive themselves as such, when under the influence:
6. Public Safety
Not part of your average social circle, they are the night owls and watchdogs of the sacred steps that WILL NOT tolerate your miserable passed-out body slumped on them. Avoid at all costs if you’re carrying a brown paper bag that contains…Vitamin Water.
5. The Nocturnal Jogger
A rare species, I have had the fortune to spot them a few times. No specific age bracket here—sometimes senior citizens, other times college students who escaped from Dodge’s secret underground How-Not-to-Sleep-and-Alienate-People training. That’s why they often run along the same path determinedly. Squeezing in a quick workout sesh?
4. The BABIES, ohmygod the babies.
3. The Grad Student TA
Never thought you would see him or her at The Heights? Come on, they’re real people too. And sometimes everyone just needs a $4 frozen margarita.
2. The Pre-professional
No bar-hopping or suite parties for this guy. It’s all about capitalizing on the free space in the library, because the weekend equals getting cozy with the Butler couches. Duh. But don’t be quick to turn your nose at them, because you have or will probably be in that place one day soon.
1. The Downtowns
They occupy the #1 spot because they’re often the hardest to spot around campus on a weekend. Often composed of international students, this chic posse won’t settle for anything above 14th Street. Because if they’re not haunting a Meatpacking District club or an absolutely adorable SoHo bar, it’s not the weekend. Surprised because you’ve never brushed shoulders with them in the 1020 line? Don’t even ask:
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