CU Assassins set to kickoff (aka, campus readies for paranoia)
*Don’t take this post too seriously.
**There is a Team Spectrum. I am not on it. Do not point a damn water gun at me.
Columbia’s campus is about to get pretty antisocial soon.
11:59 p.m. tonight to be exact, when CU Assassins, Columbia’s annual terror-fest, officially kicks off. Registration ended yesterday, and there are 173 participants, down from a smidge over 200 last year. All participants have received their water guns and they will duke it out over the next few weeks for that $500 first-place prize. Check back in subsequent days for Spectrum’s coverage of this event. For now though, here’s some info on the background of CU Assassins and the rules.
Rule #1:
Take this damn competition seriously.
The Legend(s)
Two stories every Columbian must know about this contest. There is a legend that has been passed down generation to generation, by scores of Columbia students, that goes something like this. One year, CU Assassins lasted beyond spring break. During break, someone still alive in the contest flew back home to New Orleans, presumably to see family and to, you know, relax. Our entrepreneurial assassin got word of the plan, and yep, you got it, flew to New Orleans to land the kill.
The other story, a bit less known, but equally wowing in its “holy shit” factor, details another Assassins contest that went overtime and only ended after the victorious killer shot his target in Baltimore.
What will happen this year? Nobody knows, though for the record, Spectrum would like to see this contest reach international territory.
Five Strategies and WHY THEY WILL FAIL:
1) I’ll just skip all my classes and stay in my room for three weeks.
As spirited and admirable and scary as that strategy is, it is doomed to fail for the following three reasons.
1. Don’t put it past someone to enter through the window or knock down your door. I refer you back to Rule #1.
2. You’ll need to come out of your room sometime to get a. knowledge, b. food.
3. You will be put on the disavowal list, which sucks.
2) I’ll just switch the nametags on my suite or live with someone else for three weeks.
While this is a good precautionary measure, half the teams each year do it. Switching the nametags is a particularly weak plan to make your primary strategy—the game’s true devotees will print out floor plans.
3) I’ll shave my head and/or wear a mask.
I know people (females included) who did that last year (seriously). They didn’t win. Take Rule #1 seriously, but also … please spare your dignity.
4) Camp outside your target’s dorm.
Many a soul did this last year and while it did occasionally work, the true players had ways around that. First, it became standard practice to get trusted floormates to give the target a go-ahead signal. Second, the truly smart targets will invite their assassin’s assassin to their floor. Third, the truly, truly devoted players will never be anywhere near their floor.
5) I’ll travel around campus, Lady GaGa egg style.
You’ll probably win. But you’ll still be a failure.
A Warm Tradition
As per CU Assassins tradition, the first person killed gets a big hug from the ESC President, who this year is Chris Elizondo. From my one impression of him, Mr. Elizondo seems like a cheerful dude, so I wouldn’t put it past a participant to die for him.
Appendix: The Rules
- The object of the game is to a. stay alive, b. kill people.
- Groups of four form a team.
- Every team is assigned a target team to kill. Once that target team is killed, the superior team will assume the target’s target. You have to kill every member of the target’s team to complete your assignment.
- Every team is provided with headshots of its targets and dorm addresses.
- Who can you kill? Your target (duh), your assassin, or people on the disavowal list.
- What is the disavowal list? It’s a public list where once you’re placed on it, any assassin, target or not, can kill you. Every team starts off with 72 hours. You get placed on the disavowal list once you run out of hours. Also, once you’re on the disavowal list, ESC’s elite police force, comprised of hitherto-talented ESC members, can kill you as well. You don’t want to be on this damn list.
- How do you get more hours? A. If the team kills its target (72 hours). B. Individually, if you kill your target (24 hours). C. If you kill someone on the disavowed list (24 hours).
- To kill a person, you have to shoot his/her back. Squirts to the side aren’t kills nor are shots to the head.
- Safe Zones: From their website, “Dodge gym, school computer labs, quiet study rooms, professors’ offices, Columbia work-study jobs, office hours, and places of worship. Classes are also safe zones during teaching times, but NOT before class begins or after it finishes.”
- Really, the most important rule is Rule #1.
Some real advice from the winner two years in a row:
ALWAYS assume that someone has a water pistol up their sleeve.
DISABLE YOUR FACEBOOK. I’ve managed to find my way around any sort of increased privacy put on by my targets. The only way to guarantee that I won’t find you on facebook is to disable it during the entirety of assassins.
Don’t rely on anyone for defensive help.
Have as many eyes on campus during rush hour as you can.
If you see a cop and you are disavowed, don’t try to play it cool. RUN to the nearest safe zone (gym, computer lab, etc…)
Better yet, don’t be disavowed.
Sitting with your back against the wall doesn’t guarantee that you are safe.
Too late to change this, but don’t pick team names and assassins names that link you with your teammates.
If you live on campus, you’re screwed. If you live in claremont or woodbridge, use riverside as much as you can to get around.
Finally, be thankful we aren’t playing again this year. Good luck.
Did you follow all of your own advice (Tourette’s guy?)
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.As with the best of Norman’s books, Assassin of Gor is full of vivid characters. Elizabeth Caldwell is back as Cabot’s chief ally in fniding out why the House of Cernus wants him dead and how they are involved in the endeavors of the Others, the galactic foes of the Priest-Kings. There is also the return of a major character from earlier in the series and a brief flashback involving the fate of the last egg of the Priest-Kings. However, the depth of the book comes out in terms of the new characters, including Mip the Tarn Keeper, Sura the house slave, the new slave girls Phyllis and Virginia, the young warriors Relius and Ho-Sarl, Scormus the young Kaissa champion and Qualius the blind player, and Hup the Fool (my favorite). We also meet a major supporting character for future Gor novels, Samos the slaver of Port Kar. The emphasis is still on the action and adventure in Assassin of Gor more than the Gorean philosophy that would come to dominate the later volumes in the series. Even by this fifth book in the series the principle that only by totally submitting to a master could a woman find true freedom, pleasure, etc., was pretty clear. I never really wanted a woman chained to my sleeping furs, so I tended to ignore those elements, especially as they became a repetitious mantra. For me the best Gor books were those that took the tradition of the Edgar Rice Burroughs Mars books with John Carter and upped the ante on the action. That is why Assassin of Gor is the best of the lot and why Norman never really tried to do anything this monumental ever again. In fact, the rest of the series would always suffer in my mind because of how far short the remaining volumes fell of the plateau of Nomads and Assassin.