If you’re looking for a college in Morningside Heights but the Manhattan School of Music hurts your ears, City College is too much of a walk and Columbia, Barnard, Union Theological Seminary, Jewish Theological Seminary, and Teacher’s College are a little too “affiliated instition” for you, then you’re in luck.

The New York College of Health Professions, which offers a combined curriculum of Eastern and Western medicine, is opening a branch at Riverside Church. Lisa Pamintuan, president, had this to say:

We are very excited about opening our Massage Therapy and Acupuncture Schools at The Riverside Church, a world famous landmark located in close proximity to Columbia University,  Barnard College, and the City University of New York. We see our relationship with The Riverside Church as one that focuses on ‘holyistic health.’

In addition to abysmal puns, the school will also offer programs ranging from associate to master’s level.