It’s late. You’re up. If you’re not busy cramming for tomorrow’s midterm, check out the news.

Actual News

Save Big Bird: Two men were arrested Friday for killing and decapitating an exotic bird in Las Vegas. Not much information has been released, but Mitt Romney is still on the campaign trail so it’s probably safe to assume that Big Bird is ok.

Branching out:The American Family Association is encouraging parents to keep their children home from school on “Mix it up at lunch day,” an anti-bullying event in which students are encouraged to eat lunch with people not in their normal group of friends. The AFA’s reason for concern? Talking to strangers might turn your kids gay.

Other Ivies Exist: One-time Harvard Medical professor Eben Alexander claims that he now has proof of heaven after he went into a weeklong coma in 2008. Guided by a mysterious woman, Dr. Alexander discovered that heaven is filled with clouds, angels, and butterflies. Nice try doc, but as any CC student would know, Dante was about 700 years ahead of you with that story.

…and a funny video: