We presented the ten commandments of elevator etiquette to you last week. This week, we take on the intricate ordeal of Facebook friending in our best worst Olde Englishe:

1. A general rule of thumb is to give it a day before friending. Thou wisht not to appear overeager. Unless thou art overeager.

2. Thou shallt never friend friends of friends with whom thou art not actual friends in the physical world.

3. It hath been passed down that all who friend people within three milliseconds of an introduction are creepy. (Lay off thine iPhone till later!)

4. If thou art a T.A. or a professor and thine students wish to befriendeth you, sayeth Ignore! Unless thine name be Prezbo.

5. Likewise, if thou art one of the aforementioned students, leave it till next semester, thou brown-noser.

6. However, if thine friend request to Prezbo is accepted, consider thyself and all of thine potential future descendants blessed.

7. ‘Tis a sad truth that one who friends people one meets at parties never prosper. Dost thou really wish to be remembered as the random drunk photo-bomber the day after the cups runneth over?

8. If thou took Lit Hum, thou knowest that it took the Lord a week to create the world. Give thine new friends at least half that to friend thee before thou freaketh out and get offended and put on thine sackcloth.

9. When friending a friend group, it shall be considered a gross violation shouldst thou forget to add all but that one member whose name thou hast forgotten at the moment.

10. Should thy friend list exceed seventy times four score, it may be a sign from above to start un-friending. Dost thou really give a fuck about what that girl you talked to once during NSOP is cooking instagramming for brunch?