It’s late. You’re up. Before perusing some scintillating news items, check out the promo video for CU Dance Marathon, which will be held Jan. 26-27. It’s enough to make you want to dance for 18 hours straight, right?

Divine conception: Trailing Todd Akin’s comments on “legitimate rape,” Indiana Senate candidate Richard Mourdock has actually said these words: “I think even when life begins in that horrible situation of rape, that it is something God intended to happen.” This is a guy Romney has been supporting, but now Mitt’s spokespeople have issued a statement: “Gov. Romney disagrees with Richard Mourdock’s comments, and they do not reflect his views.” Well, that’s certainly the only reasonable part of this story.

Bieber dramz: Some guy from Michigan claiming to be Selena Gomez’s father has filed one of the most comical lawsuits of all time against Justin Bieber. Not only did Bieber supposedly steal this guy’s credit card to pay for a penis enlargement, but it also appears that Usher sodomized this man while forcing him to listen to Katy Perry’s “Firework.” I could potentially provide further comment on this, but I could also just let it speak for itself. Going with that.

Typical Gosling: Guess what? Ryan Gosling was absolutely adorable as a child, as a video of him as a Mouseketeer reveals. Surprised? I know. I didn’t see that one coming either. He even makes the quintessential Canadian “aboot” infinitely more tolerable than it usually is(n’t). Try to contain yourself. You’ll fail. Here’s the link.

And curiously, this video proves foxes to be cute: