It’s late. You’re up. That’s basically it.

Here’s a tip: Got an iPhone? Go into the app store and download “Fish: A tap essay”

Lack of faith: A new study has found that the number of Protestant Christians in the United States is shrinking quickly. No word on whether this is related to the Obama administration’s recent implementation of jizya.

Never say Newark: Newark has a baseball team, and Justin Bieber will not be performing at one of its events. Pop quiz: How many things that you don’t care about were contained in the previous sentence?

Daredevil?: Felix Baumgartner had planned on jumping out of a balloon-buoyed capsule from 23 miles above the ground today, hurtling toward the earth at supersonic speeds while enduring temperatures as low as minus 70 degrees, and also risking the possibility that the rapid descent would cause his blood to literally boil in his veins. The jump was called off, however, because winds at the launch site exceeded 2 mph. Safety first.

You’re going to want to leave your hands free for this video, because you’re going to have to hold your jaw open with them: