Do not listen to Spectrum. You need to shave your face.
Today is the last day of November, a beautiful month of autumnal weather featuring short but satisfying academic breaks and an opportunity to wear fall jackets. For that, I am sorry. Today is also, however, the last day of No Shave November, a month that celebrates the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad decision to, well, not shave. (I’ve also heard of a variant wherein one grows a mustache, but I am not going to humor that in this post.) For that, I rejoice.
It turns out, however, that Spectrum—that is, this very website—is encouraging further validation of the choice to not shave one’s face for an entire month by way of a contest.
I generally hate meta posts, partially because I am never really sure that I am using “meta” correctly, but mostly because I don’t actually think they’re contributive. But this time, I have a very specific contribution: Those of you who are eligible to partake in this contest should instead rectify your earlier mistake (which, again, was to not shave for a month). Why? I’m so glad you asked.
- For the sake of your face. Look at Brad Pitt here. Now look at Brad Pitt here. I rest my case.
- For the sake of your hypothetical significant other. You don’t even need to give me credit for seeing the light.
- For the sake of the general hygiene of this campus. From an article called “Beards 101” (Thank you, Internet): “All beards are like shag carpets in that they have a natural tendency to harbor crumbs, food, liquid spills, ashes, bugs, and other discharge. But unlike shag carpets, beards continue to grow and spread unless restrained … If you are intent on growing and maintaining a beard, it is imperative that it is included in daily grooming. Hygiene is number one on the beard-care list. Like door mats, most beards start out clean, but end up worn and grungy.” Shag carpets. Door mats. Grungy. Columbians, we are top notch at many things. But, considering that Business School students received a letter reminding them of the importance of the care and keeping of their selves, I think it’s somewhat safe to say that hygiene is not one of our strongest suits. Why would we make it an even weaker point by rewarding unshaved faces?
- For yourself. Look. Take what I am saying with a grain of salt. Clearly, I am not a facial hair lover. Okay. Fine. Grow a beard. Grow a mustache. Then take that grain of salt, put it on a razor, and, for your own well-being and centeredness, shave your face.
Leave a Comment
Be nice. Don't use HTML tags. And consider reading our full comment policy.