An introduction to lesser known candidates
You all know who Mitt Romney and Barack Obama are, but are you aware that there are actually hundreds of other presidential candidates who are just as legitimate*? (*Ed. note: This is a lie). Here’s some of the most interesting:
Gary Johnson – Libertarian: After its stunning defeat at the polls last election, the Libertarian Party decided to bet on a candidate who hasn’t been photographed licking the ice cream of someone who was not his wife. Enter, Ex-Governor of New Mexico, Gary Johnson. This time, they’ve got a shot!
Those who are only familiar with libertarianism through former-congressmen/Goldfinger impersonator Ron Paul should already be acquainted with Johnson’s positions.
He’s against virtually every federal acronym you can think of (IRS, DOE, and the FED, to name a few), and against all bailouts and most entitlements. He also wants to legalize marijuana and keep the US out of the rest of the world’s affairs.
But he’s not in favor of a gold standard. Boooooring! Paul gets the edgy college student vote because he’s willing to bring just a little bit of crazy to the table. Johnson is pretty much Rick Perry without the hawkish foreign policy and more pot. How is that going to generate excitement?
Jill Stein – Green Party
Keeping with the theme of candidates from parties you’ve probably heard of, Jill Stein is the liberal ying to Johnson’s yang. In the post-Ralph-Nader era, the Green Party has successfully replaced its reputation as a hatable spoiler with a new legacy of virtually anonymous candidates, and Stein is a continuation of this strategy.
Stein advocates instituting a modern WPA where the federal government will employ 25 million Americans in various government jobs, including positions in “sustainable organic agriculture.” Way to go after that Whole Foods vote!
Other than the FDR-esque employment program, Stein takes the usual liberal positions (single-payer health care, Employee Free Choice Act, get out of wars), but with random craziness to keep you on your toes.
For example, she wants a more progressive income tax, but with a 90% tax on the bonuses of bailed out bankers (that’ll teach you to make your company money!) and advocates “a binding international treaty to reduce atmospheric carbon dioxide.” No word on how this treaty would be enforced, but I can only assume the 82nd Airborne would be involved.
Merlin Miller – American Third Position Party
Now that the two most popular lesser-known candidates are out of the way, it’s time for the deeper cuts. And don’t let his shockingly nice website fool you—Miller is way off the deep end.
Combining communist paranoia, libertarian ideals, and some of that olde tyme racism, Miller represents exactly why most third-party candidates are ruining it for the few sane ones.
I’ll just start with the mission statement of the American Third Position Party:
The American Third Position Party believes that government policy in the United States discriminates against white Americans, the majority population, and that white Americans need their own political party to fight this discrimination. Our government no longer represents us.
And it pretty much goes downhill from there. Among other highlights, Miller calls for the courts to “systematically apply capital punishment for those convicted of murder, terrorism, and certain sexual offenses.”
He also bemoans the fact that many Americans “have to relocate from one town to another to escape criminal gangs.” And that’s just off one of his position pages.
Which of these candidates would you vote for if you had to? Let us know in the comments.
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