ORGO NIGHT LIVEBLOG: 2013
Here’s the liveblog of Orgo Night, the Fall 2013 episode, brought straight to you from toasty Butler 209. Who knew the indoor temperatures could soar this high (thank you body heat) when it’s freezing outside? Read the liveblog after the jump, and watch the livestream below:
12:48: That’s it, folks. We’re wrapping up. Good luck on finals!
12:47: Band makes early exit, fight song takes a weird turn: “…if it has hair we’ll eat it.” What?
12:46: Band assumes we’re doing anti-orgo-night-counter-blog. As if we would engage in such a thing. Pfft.
12:45: Band: “We’d like to leave you with a few tips for the Orgo exam tomorrow-”
Onlooker: “It’s Monday!”
Band: “Shut the fuck up!”
12:43: Band takes shots at opinion page:
“the masturbatory dialogue on the Jewish White Man’s burden that normally fills the Spec opinion page.”
12:42: The secret of Prezbo’s hair is revealed: it’s full of secrets! Unfortunately doesn’t keep him from confusing, quote “rapiers and rapists”
12:40: Band forms “Neighbors in the Citadel of Kyriarchical Gallic Imperialism.” We’re not sure either.
12:39: Band dishes out wisdom:
“But there is something to be said for being constantly offended by the smallest of perceived transgressions, because it allows you to go through life without having to apply critical thinking to a single fucking thing you see. Look; if you want to see some really racist shit, dress up like a Sikh professor and take a walk in Harlem.”
12:38: Band rails on Greet Beats (an anti-child abuse event), compares to “Beyonce perform[ing] Single Ladies for Nelson Mandela’s widow.”
12:37: “Inappropriate is when you jizz in a little kid’s hair. Racist is when you only jizz in pureblooded Aryan kids’ hair.” [We would like to note that this is a split infinitive.]
12:36: Band wonders about context:
“Like this: Abraham Lincoln once said, ‘Free the N—timely trumpet blast.’”
12:35: Premature trumpet ejaculation. “By band, I mean frat.”
12:31: A quick recap of this semester’s racism incidents on campus. I don’t want to reserve judgment, but some questionable Top Girls/Asian/yellowface jibes.
12:29: [B.O. has reached 300 ppm. Help]
12:28: The real reason we can’t get rid of Mangurian and Murphy: we can’t sack anyone. The Band forms the team and plays “Wrecking Ball.” [Students are enthusiastically mumbling along to "Wrecking Ball"]
12:27: And the Band goes historical:
“This year’s team was statistically the least competitive in Columbia’s history, the only possible exception being the warravaged team of 1943. But at least the war provided that team with a legitimate excuse for losing, and, to be fair, a slightly better reason for their distaste of Asians. And unlike this year’s squad, at least some of the 1943 players got drafted.”
12:25: But of course, no Orgo night could be complete without a mention of football, which had a “perfect season.”
12:24: We’re not sure how accurate this is… “in honor of our diverse student body, our normal sex lives” band plays “Anyway You Want It”
12:23: We’re not sure how inaccurate this is…
“Finally, in Princeton news, a shocking press release revealed that the institution finally decided to admit its first non-white student!”
12:21: “More Harvard freshmen have cheated on their homework than had sex” draws “Ohhhs” from crowd.
12:20: Joke about horse semen and bestiality at Cornell: “Losing something so valuable can be really hard to swallow.”
12:18: Questionable gun violence joke about New Haven. All of the shits on New Haven and Yale’s recent “poopetrator.”
“It’s no surprise that a turd fiend or poopetrator goes to Yale. After all, they are obsessed with being Number Two.
12:15: “Whyyyyy?!” Band makes impassioned performance. We think finals have inspired some of the desperation expressed in their performance.
12:13: Band takes a swipe at class inequality with CC allusions and forms Upton Sinclair to play “Fuck You.”
12:11: CUMB takes up SWS’s cause. Ovens are “hotter than a McBain double.”
“Columbia could only improve the sweatshop conditions ‘at the expense of students,’ which warms our hearts, because that’s never stopped them before.”
12:10: Sushi and pizza are “equally inedible”—but lube!=pizza grease.
12:09: Band forms “campus unity” and plays Happy Together! Glorious, glorious kazoos resound near our ears.
12:08: Crowd is given invitation to Band suite. Note (if you were really planning to take up the invite): the suite number mentioned is not actually where the Band resides.
12:07: One liner: “Barnard’s 125th anniversary can truly be seminal.” More cum(b) in the next joke. Schlafly gets a “who the fuck is that?” A witch, dear onlooker. A witch.
12:06: Daniel from John Jay 10 gets hate. Kazoo player: “Is that that asshole who invites me to things on Facebook?” Yes, yes he is.
12:05: About Barnard: ”Media coverage spread faster than meningitis at Princeton”
12:03: GS hearing-aid joke also gets a groan (it’s tradition).
12:02: “The shelves are long-lasting—but sadly not the men”—CUMB pulls no punches and the crowd whoops/groans. (Guess who’s doing what.)
12:01: ZBT jokes and SAE jokes are out. Shots fired.
12:00: Band is in full swing. Everything is great and I literally cannot move.
11:59: AND THE BAND IS HERE. OH GOD NO SPACE.
11:58: More cheering. LOUD NOISES! T-SECONDS, PEOPLE! (a lot of seconds, but still seconds.)
11:56: Spectrum Editor Mihika Barau notes that temperatures are reaching “crowded Mumbai train level.”
11:55: Fight song breaks out again. Laura says it’s “more robust—thicker, longer, and stronger.” I concur.
11:53: Clapping? Have we reached maximum capacity? Hope there’s room for the band!
11:51: It’s like 25 degrees (Fahrenheit!) outside but it’s toasty and warm in here. Get ready to Orgo!
11:48: It’s rowdy and crowd(y?) and people just burst into a short rendition of the fight song. Get your seats (and stands) soon!
11:47: Hi folks! We’re live in Butler 209 for Orgo Night 2013. (Dan Garisto and Laura Wasserman liveblogging, and at your service.)
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