Congress is just bein’ Miley
Allow me to explain the government shutdown using a classic allegory: Miley Cyrus.
For both Miley and Congress, things started getting weird this summer. Miles chopped all her hair off, writhed around on a bed, and twerked in her music video for “We Can’t Stop.” Everyone was slightly grossed out but agreed that the song was super catchy.
Similarly, some select politicians started to freak out about how Obamacare was evil, and most of America was like, “Uh, I dunno I kinda like affordable health care, and I’m kinda pumped for it.” These were relatively small nuisances that made for some entertaining BuzzFeed articles, but they mostly didn’t really affect many Americans’ lives.
Then Miley did this on the VMAs…
…for longer than we would have liked.
And Ted Cruz did this on the Senate floor…
…For WAY longer than we would have liked.
That’s when shit started to get real. Miley’s acting-out wasn’t just an isolated music video—it was her new persona. The Tea Party wasn’t just going to verbally hate on Obamacare, they were going to slam Capitol Hill for it…like…a…
After Miley’s “Wrecking Ball” video, people went cray. She’s naked, she licks a sledgehammer, and she writhes some more. The internet exploded, convinced Miley had gone off the deep end. She had truly outdone “We Can’t Stop,” and many people, from construction workers to Sinead O’Connor, were not pleased.
Similarly, Cruzy Poo and his cohorts stuck to their guns (which were well-protected by their beloved Second Amendment). They shut down the doggone government so that now everyone knows they hate Obamacare more than they hate dysfunctional government. It’s nice to know they’re not just all talk.
What we really need now is for Congress to make a stunning and public comeback. I mean, did you see Miley on Saturday Night Live last weekend?! Amazing. Her acoustic performance of “We Can’t Stop”?! Incredible. Her casual announcement that Hannah Montana was murdered in her opening monologue?! Brilliant. Minus the hilarious spoof of “We Can’t Stop” when she played Michele Bachmann, there was minimal nudity, no twerking, and only a few exposed tongues. She toned it down just enough to be taken seriously. Finally, the American people got what they deserved: A talented pop star being entertaining as the host of SNL. Thank GOD.
Hopefully, Congress will eventually get the hint from MiCy (if we were BFFs, that’s what I would call Miley). She (or at least her publicist) gets that you can be all #NoShame for a little bit to get some hype going, but once things actually have to get done, you might need #ALittleShame. Just like how broadcasting laws put Miley’s clothing back on, Congress needs to put the government’s lights back on.
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